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Mon, Dec. 13th, 2004, 02:43 am
what?.....what the fuck?....Fuck....what am I doing?

Yeah....fuck... Ok...its one thing to be clingy... that I am not. Its one thing to me a nag...I am not that either... What the fuck? All I want to do is run away from this fucking feeling....I am not ok...no matter how much I say I am. Not anymore. At first it was a growing suspcition that my feelings were just a bit more....in a different place. Yeah...you'll see this and ask why? Don't. Just forget it. What the fuck for? You know before this one....I wasn't concerned who I hurt. I didn't care about anything... If you understood anything about me...if you could see how little things mean the world..how there are ways to different things.... how even a tiny star would mean something that only we would know...and fuck... something to remember and look back on. How something like that would mean so much...and not because I am throwing a fit...not because you made me upset because you wanted it different..."not EXACTLY" the fucking same....THAT WAS THE POINT. Comunication my ass....I'd rather run away...and fuck...I know its not the right thing to do. But its better than getting hurt or fucking disappointed. Fuck disappointment... You want me to talk to you....here it is. My fucking temper and my true feelings.... The real me wrapped up in a fucking package all for you to see. You want me to communicate when I am afraid of what you will think because of what I feel or what I am afraid you don't. Here it is...all for you. I don't expect anything but at the same time...I wanted everything. And as far as what I feel...I couldn't even say because when I try to....and I have fucking tried....god damnit I have fucking tried...you don't want to fucking hear it. What the fuck is the point to any of this...??????????? God Damnit.....in the end...because there is ALWAYS one....I am the one thats going to fucking get hurt. Because this time....this time I am the fool. And I can't control the way that I feel...So you are free to turn and run because I am counting down to see how long it takes.